All I want for Christmas is
by sez101
Summary: Jack's bored and its Christmas
1. Chapter 1

Hey thanks for checking this out, this was just written as a bit of fun hope you enjoy it,

Jack O'Neill sat in his office surrounded by paperwork bored. He had already played with his yoyo to the point his finger hurt and he needed new string, his gameboy batteries were out, he knew that paperclip were pretty good tiddlywinks and it took him 53 steps to get to the nearest supply closest. The rest of SG1 had gone home for the day. Teal'c had gone home with Daniel for the holidays but he'd been forced to stay behind and complete paperwork. So far he was about half way through.

It was Christmas in less than 12 days, Jack was going to host Christmas lunch, Janet would be doing the cooking, Carter had promised desert, Daniel and Teal'c the drinks, he just had to sort out the house. That was if he finished his reports in time.

He didn't even know what he wanted for Christmas. Most of the stuff he wanted he couldn't have. Putting off paperwork even longer he decided to make a list.

Dear

Wait he didn't believe in Santa hadn't since he was 8 he was always such a bad boy and still got presents, didn't make a difference. If there was a Santa it was one less person he had to worry about.

He could address it to God but despite a Catholic upbringing he wasn't convinced on that one either. In his career he'd seen far to much bad stuff happen to good people, he found it hard to keep the faith. Thor was about as close to a God he would get after all the little guy would turn up at the very last second saving the day and he had lots of nifty toys. Jack snorted as he imagined Thor in a Santa's outfit beaming presents into children's homes.

Dear Thor,

Now I figure as I've saved your little grey butts from the bugs twice now you owe me one. This is my list, it's a Tauri holiday where people give each other stuff to show how much they mean to us.

I want Danny to have unlimited coffee –dealing with a cranky Archaeologist who is in withdrawal is more dangerous than any mission and we don't even get hazard pay

Teal'c scares a lot of people I think it stops him making as many friends on base, maybe if he smiled more or learnt some better jokes.

As for George and Jacob I bet there heads get cold this time of year with no hair to keep it warm, I'd like them to grow some. Make it big afros that would keep there whole heads warm- oh and Bray'tac too, that skull cap is just not cool

I'd like ole Doc Frasier to get a needle in her butt for a change and one of those big ones, and then give her something cool doohickey. I know she hates it when there is nothing she can do to save someone I'm actually grateful for what she does just don't tell her.

Cassie I want her to have a normal life here on earth, that kiddo has been through so much, I want her to go to College, get married, have a few kids of her own.

I want the SGC to have no regs prohibiting me and Carter.

Lastly I want Carter to come fishing at my cabin

Thanks buddy

J O'Neill

Jack sat back on his chair reading his list. Yep he decided that would make one awesome Christmas present. Stretching he restarted his report writing he wanted to be home by Christmas after all.

Packing up at the end of the day Jack read through his list placing it in his draw. Switching the lights off he headed 1 had a mission to visit the land of light tomorrow, officially to check on their progress un-offically to see Teal'c's family they were all looking forwards to it. Little did Jack know he'd put the list on top of the Asguard communication device Thor had given him as the official representative of the Asguard on earth. Jack just thought it was a pretty stone.

Deep in the Asguard galaxy Thor stood reading over a report that had been sent from earth. He looked puzzled before moving to action.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack whistled walking into the SGC the next morning, he had a straight forward mission and then a weekend off with the people he considered family. He reached his office, and was happy to see that his desk was still clear of reports. He picked up his gameboy replacing the batteries as the phone rang.

"Sir, yes Sir, your office now" he said to the shouting on the other end, it was Hammond. Jack figured he shouldn't have wrote, "We went to PX2 7GF, saw bad guys, shot bad guys, returned to earth" as his official report but at the time he couldn't think of anything else to say.

He walked quickly to Hammond's office rapping sharply on the door.

"Who is it?" he heard Hammond yell

"It's me Sir" he answered, the door unlocked. Which was strange as Hammond never locked his door. The door opened and it was all he could do to stay standing as it revealed Hammond with a big ginger Afro.

"No laughing Colonel that's an order" Hammond said gruffly, not seeing the funny side. Jack nodded taking deep breaths and resorting to think of Hammond naked, which stopped the laughter until he made eye contact and saw the Afro again.

"Sorry Sir, what happened?" he asked,

"My daughter has been trying to get me dating again. She replaced my shampoo with hair replacement looks like I used a bit too much" Hammond admitted.

"Wait you still use shampoo Sir" Jack asked

"I had some hair" Hammond defended. "Anyway I'm having it shaved to a crew cut, but that's not why I called you in" Jack nodded curious as to the real reason he had been called

"The president faxed this letter this morning, its suspending frat regs for the SGC, no reason why or explanations do you have any idea?" Jack shook his head remembering the list. Daniel would be happy, Doc was going to kill him and Teal'c.

"Err Sir I have to go" he said running out the door towards Teal'c quarters. He knocked on the door wondering if his suspicion was right he tried to recall exactly what he had written, God he hoped Cassie wasn't married or pregnant the Doc really would kill him. He'd wanted Teal'c to smile more and tell better jokes that wasn't so bad. He opened the door getting no response. Teal'c was sitting on the floor. His mouth had a red ring around it, the rest of his face was white apart from 2 green eyes and 2 red patches on his cheeks. His mouth was in an unnatural smile.

"O'Neill I do not understand, I awoke like this." Teal'c said looking hilarious but sounding lost. Jack smothered a grin.

"Come on I'll help you out, it should just wash off" He said while internally praying it did. As soon as it was in contact with water the clown face began to fade. As soon as Jack was satisfied it was clearing he left to grab the list, he read through it cursing. Well Janet would be the worst he decided. Before walking off to face Janet. She wasn't in the infirmary so he headed to Daniel's office where he found both Daniel and Janet

"So I didn't notice until I thought I'd drained my cup and I looked down and it was full again but watch" he lifted his coffee cup drank the coffee and waited, the cup slowly refilled, "Isn't it incredible" he marvelled.

"Daniel I think you've had too much coffee already" Janet said looking at how his hands were trembling and the way he seemed to be bouncing as he stood. "Maybe you should lay off it, now I came up here because I need you to translate something for me. Something was left in the infirmary overnight it has writing all over it" Daniel nodded they turned to exit noticing Jack for the first time.

"Hey Jack how are you, I'm okay have you seen what happens when I drink coffee its cool"

"Hey Daniel, I agree with Doc Frasier you need to lay off the coffee." Jack said noticing how Janet was limping slightly. He grimaced as he remembered why, if she ever found out she was going to kill him. Speaking off that,

"Hey Doc, Cassie she isn't pregnant is she?" he asked, Janet shook her head,

"No why?" she asked suspiciously,

"No reason" Jack answered relieved.

"But SG9 found trininum on Hanaka, as Cassie is the sole survivor she let them mine it and they gave her enough money in a trust fund to get her though College with a bit left over." Janet revealed. Jack smiled knowing it was a big weight off the docs mind. "She also found a new boyfriend and is convinced he is the one. I have to admit he is perfect for her" Jack nodded relieved. The claxons went off. Leaving Daniel and Janet to go to the infirmary he wondered to the gate room they were no teams due back.

"Receiving Tokra IDC" Walter reported. The iris opened Jacob stepped through sport a brown afro.

"I don't care it had to have been you...yes I do blame you...well how else does hair just grow" he said arguing with Selmak or at least Jack really hoped he was.

"Jacob Selmak my office" Hammond ordered getting suspicious now, after all one mad hair growing incident was strange but 2, that was suspicious. And anything suspicious that went on around the SGC there was only one team to blame.

"Dr Frasier and SG1 to the briefing room please" came the order. Jack sighed he knew he was pretty much busted.

He sat down at the table waiting for everyone to join He could see Janet, Daniel and Teal'c trying not to smirk and Hammond and Jacob's afro. There was no Carter though he paled remember what he said Carter-fishing-his cabin. He frowned, he wasn't there with her. He was about to comment when she stormed in holding a piece of paper wearing his hockey jersey and some baggy tracksuit bottoms. There was also a smell of fish.

"I'm going to kill you Sir" she said rushing towards him. He stood up taking a step back.

"Carter" he said

"Major, Colonel sit down at once. I will not have this conduct in my briefing room. Major Carter want to explain why you are out of uniform" Hammond yelled. Carter deflated sitting down glaring evils at Jack.

"Well Sir, I went to bed as normal last night and woke up in Minnesota, Colonel O'Neill's cabin to be precise only I wasn't alone." She began

There was something tapping on her arm she reached to flick it away when it moved in her hand. With a scream she sat up only to realise the whole bed was full of fish. Slimy smelly fish. She jumped out of the bed watching as the live fish all lay there gasping for air. Not cruel she gathered the sheet running outside where she found a deck with a pond, she threw them all in. She was cold, tired, covered in slime and not in the same place as she had been when she went to sleep. Sam walked back into the cabin. There was a picture of Jack and Charlie on the mantelpiece. She found that reassuring that at least she knew whose cabin she was in. She began exploring looking for a change of clothes and a way out without walking miles. Grabbing some of his clothes she changed then began looking for a phone, or computer or some way to get out of here. Back in the bedroom she noticed a note addressed to her.

Dear Major Carter,

I received a message from O'Neill stating his desire for you to go fishing at his cabin. I couldn't guarantee that while there you would fish so therefore transported a variety of fish to your location I do hope this is sufficient.

Thor

Sam read the letter and screamed again he was so going to pay. She went to the kitchen noticing some keys to some vehicle. Hunting outside she found a bike, she tested it out it worked. She was going to make him pay for this. She drove to the local Airforce base St Pauls Air reserve station, luckily she knew oneof the Majors there as Thor hadnt thought of beaming her with ID. He arranged for her to fly to Peterson Colorado where she could get a lift to base. If he noticed the smell or unusual outfit he didnt comment.

She arrrived at the SGC luckily the guards knew her and let her on base without her ID perhaps it was the death glare she was shooting people. As she was heading to the locker room to change she heard her name being announced groaning she went to the briefing room instead.

"And that's why I want to kill him Sir" she added. Jack was sinking down in his seat.

"Colonel O'Neill what else was on the list?" Hammond asked suspiciously. Jack coughed.

"Well Sir, I just wanted people happy this Christmas" he began, Daniel saw some paper poking out of his pocket. He reached over grabbing it. Reading it out load

"Dear Thor," he began "Not Santa Jack"

"Nah he was never good enough" Jacob said getting laughs from around the table.

"Now I figure as I've saved your little grey butts from the bugs twice now you owe me one. This is my list, it's a Tauri holiday where people give each other stuff to show how much they mean to us.

I want Danny to have unlimited coffee –dealing with a cranky Archaeologist who is in withdrawal is more dangerous than any mission and we don't even get hazard pay" everyone but Daniel and Jack laughed

"I'm not that bad am I?" Daniel questioned,

"Off world we take it in turns to wake you up because your so cranky before your coffee" Sam revealed

"Indeed you become most difficult to deal with without your caffeinated beverage" Teal'c said. Daniel nodded thinking before continuing.

"Teal'c I want to lighten up he takes things so seriously, maybe if he smiled more or learnt some better jokes."Jack didn't even wait for anyone to comment before turning to him,

"I just remember the time loops I liked that side I didn't think Thor would turn you into a clown I was thinking a joke book" Teal'c merely raised an eyebrow, taking the comment under consideration. Of course that didn't mean Jack wasn't on for some revenge Jaffa style next time they spared.

"As for George and Jacob I bet there heads get cold this time of year with no hair to keep it warm, I'd like them to grow some. Make it big afros that would keep there whole heads warm- oh and Bray'tac too, that skull cap is just not cool" Jack sank really low in her seat, he was convinced he was about to die. To his surprise the both chuckled.

"Ginger afro George" Jacob commented looking at the shortly shaved ginger hair. They'rehad been many comments about it round base but nobody brave enough to comment to his face.

"Yours isn't much better Jacob" George retorted.

"Well were not happy that we got afros Jack but are happy that we have hair again so I guess we should say thank you" Jacob said, Jack relaxed slightly before remembering next up was Janet. Daniel continued,

"I'd like ole Doc Frasier to get a needle in her butt for a change and one of those big ones, and then give her something cool doohickey. I know she hates it when there is nothing she can do to save someone I'm actually grateful for what she does just don't tell her." Janet by the end was glaring at him big time.

"So that's the reason my butt has been aching all day" she said angrily before lightening "although I am grateful for the Asguard healing pod. It has great potential and might save thousands of lives" she said just making a note for his next physical.

"Cassie I want her to have a normal life here on earth, that kiddo has been through so much, I want her to go to College, get married, have a few kids of her own. " Janet again looked at Jack

"Your damn lucky Cass isn't pregnant" she said, Jack nodded

"I know Doc" he said relieved she wasn't mad now he just needed a reason never to have a physical again.

"I want the SGC to have no regs prohibiting me and Carter."Sam blushed, while Jack checked everyone's reactions. Daniel, Hammond and Janet were smirking, Teal'c was grinning. While Jacob looked like he was in shock.

"Well Jack I didn't know you cared" Jacob joked, causing everyone to laugh but Jack who had a deer in the headlights look.

"Daniel was that the end of the note" Sam asked still wondering how she woke up covered in fish in Minnesota.

"No err...Lastly I want Carter to go fishing at my cabin" He said,

"I'm really sorry Carter next time I'll specify with me there and no fish in the bed" he said, Sam smiled slightly.

"Your suggesting there is going to be another wish list?" Sam asked slightly worried

"Put me down for the new Ferrari Jack" Hammond asked. Jack nodded. Hammond looked round "Ok well I will need a full report on this but for now go on your mission Merry Christmas Jacob you can escort SG1 if you wish" Everyone left. Jack followed Sam to the locker room.

"Err Sir this is the women's locker room" Sam said awkwardly desperately wanting a shower before the mission but not wanting to strip in front of him.

"I know I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I did want you in my cabin just not alone and covered in fish" she smiled slightly

"Next time I see Thor" she threatened. Jack laughed.

"So about those regs" he joked half hoping

"Yeah I wonder what couples will emerge" she commented. Jack nodded

"I was wondering about us" Jack asked nervously. Sam smiled kissing him on the cheek,

"I think that's best taken slowly after I stop smelling of fish" Sam answered, Jack nodded not moving, Sam giggled.

"Sir, you can leave now" she told him. Jack nodded as he stood up leaving. Sam had said there was a chance, even after he was the cause of her being in a bed of live fish. That was dedication or love. His heart jumped.

This Christmas was going to be very interesting...

Merry Christmas everyone


End file.
